Here's the thing, tho. I learned a long time ago that nobody likes an insecure whiny twit who is so desperate to please that's it's, quite simply, pathetic. So I adopted the phrase "fake it til you make it," and put that into motion. My talk and image has been perfected. To meet me and hear me converse with any individual you would never for one second realize that underneath the smile and joking and tough talking is a gal pleading with you to like me.
SOOOOO....it is with the UTMOST excitement that while I'm probably not completely transformed, but I have FINALLY begun to shed my life of that absurdity.
Now, do I want people to like me? Of course, who doesn't. But for the first time I have such an inspiring role model in my boyfriend that I'm learning who matters and who doesn't.
I have robbed my children and family and loved ones of my time, attention, focus, and energy because I was too wrapped up in seeking approval. And it was right there in front of me the whole time. And it was unreluctantly offered without hesitation, reservation, question, doubt, worry, or demands. It's just a given.
When I transferred with my company from Savannah to Orlando, I automatically assumed and expected that I would be welcomed into the folds of my new work family. I didn't expect this the day I walked in the door, but I knew (or thought I did) that I'd crack my new crew and start receiving invites for socializing outside of work. Oh, and that they would talk to me inside of work.
Not only did NONE of that take place, but some pretty potentially damning accusations were made, and before I could even spell mozzarella I was blackballed and shunned.
Now, my first instinct was to tuck tail, admit defeat, and get the hell out of dodge. But I am tired of running. With as much fake confidence and pride I could portray, I stood my ground, continuing to show up to work everyday, much to the surprise of everyone at work. I hated it. To say it was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced is an understatement. It affected me mentally, I began questioning things that I had, up to that point, never questioned or doubted. And it just made me sad. I felt defeated, a feeling I have experienced before, but not one I wish to experience anymore.
My love, Frankie, who is as non-social able as I am the belle of the ball would repeatedly try to instill in me that I'm there to make money, not to make friends. And while there's some wisdom in living by that, that's just not me. Except, well.....it kinda is now.
Having or making friends at work is wonderful, it truly is. It helps the time pass quicker, you have someone to vent and complain with back and forth because they know exactly what you're talking about.
But as wonderful as it is....it's not necessary. Not when you have an incredible man standing behind you, who's strong enough (literally and figuratively) to carry you, who supports you and believes in you and never hesitates to let you know it, who has your back to the point that he would show up wherever you may need him to defend your honor, but respects you enough to not take matters in his own hands without your desires taken into consideration. No ma'am, it is not necessary at all.
Now, it's still an added perk if relationships and friendships are able to be created amongst me and my coworkers. I'm not trying to insinuate that I am now this uppity, snobby person who needs no one, because no matter what, that's not now not will ever be the case.
But I am focused on my goal - my family. If you don't like me, I really am sorry for that. I'm a pretty cool person who is a super listener & would do anything for anyone needing help of any kind.
BUT, if you don't like me, I really am okay with that too. The ones who matter to me helped me to finally understand that I can walk thru any fire as long as they're on my team.
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